My house

I have so many weapons in my house. The only thing I don't have are any guns, unfortunately. I would love to exercise my second amendment right by buying a firearm. I live in Port Jefferson Station in the "seedier" part of town, so I think owning all these weapons are absolutely necessary. We gotta protect what is rightfully ours. Bums walk by the front of our house all the time and I always feel like they're eyeballing the inside of our house. We have two aluminum bats, an iron crowbar, a plastic bat filled with BB's, and an assortment of knives. So, we're pretty well protected, unless the intruder is armed with a gun, in which case he will be strictly dominant (as they say in game theory). So, I think I should level the playing field by buying a gun because I am at a strategic disadvantage.