the mind's true liberation

I drove around for 20 minutes tonight thinking about my life & where I want it to go in the years coming up. I've realized I'm not scared about where it will go overall, but by the time I'm 30 for now. As my best friend, who I have known since i was 5 years old, told me on the phone tonight "you're cursed with having so many interests that it's hard to take one path" in simpler terms and it's true. A few weeks ago I thought I was destined to head down to nashville & work in country music, and now I feel like I'm being pulled towards working in musical theatre in some respect, whether it's backstage, onstage, or even as an assistant in the lavatory in a theatre on Broadway. This could be due to the fact that I saw the show Hair for the second time on wednesday night and felt even more connected to it than I did the first time I had the privilege of seeing it, but so it goes.

I can't pinpoint one path to follow right now. I'm scared to go to graduate school & study something that I'll eventually decide I hate, & I feel like I'll never know the truth of my heart. I'm envious of people who know, who just know what they want to do (like my dear friend I mentioned above, who is a dancer) but then again, I like having a chaotic web of different interests, it's made me into the person that I am, & I don't know where I'd be without some of these entangled components.

I think about the two main characters in Hair, Claude & Berger, two extremely different people who in many ways have the same mindsets I keep going back & forth between: Claude being conflicted between doing the logical & living the life that Berger wants him to desperately follow, whilst Berger looks to what will make his soul experience life to the fullest, freely. As Claude sings at the end of Act I, "Where Do I Go?" - I ask myself the same question.